So here the story goes.

A- Met boy "J" a long time ago... few years. @ anime cons and such. Talked to J for quite some time online and such. He had a physcho gf / now ex gf for a while.

B-J and I flirt online have a ton in common etc. Really really get along. Displays interest. I always lend an ear etc during his stressful periods with crazy ex he's always trying to get into good graces with/ get back with

C- I drive down there (1.5 hr drive) to visit. We had much more in common than we though. We chill with his friend B and after a while decided we were bored and headed down to the beach. Lots of fun and he tried to save me from big waves by wrapping his arms around me etc.

D-Walked the boardwalk and watched street performers while holding hands and laughing. Then went to dinner and he held my hand telling me it was the most romantic day he had had in a long time and he was so happy I came down

E-On walk to car he asks if he could kiss me . Kissing ensues which was awesome. Then we go and chill with more ppl.

F-Next day we chill @ his place and watch CSI and court tv till i have to go home. Cuddling ensues.




NOW...

He visited for 2 days i went and brought him to richmond to kinda show him around. Went to the park etc. Kissing, holding hands and such romantic stuff. Had lots of fun weeee
he let slip that he "thinks he's falling in love with me"
Now i asked him the next day if he meant that he said he doesn't say things he doesn't mean BUT he's not "in loev with me" ... ummmm duh??
*sigh* not asking him to be but either way


Problem:

He's still physcho over his really bitchy ex who torments him by posting pictures of them together and saying things like "oh love is fake " stuff like that. I don't understand why he's still trying cause she makes him so upset and he only really smokes after dealing with her. *SIIGHH*


Well i mean here look@ her profile:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endID=47448584
or here
http://www.myspace.com/hellosmile


Now he doesn't post comments on MY myspace but he does to everyone else because "she gets jealous and upset" ... uhhhhhhh what?


So my question is... He's sitting here telling me how much he enjoys spending time with me and how beautiful i am etc. And then when he goes home obsesses over this girl. I really really really like him he gives me those butterflies in my stomach as stupid as that sounds...

This has been going on for like 3 weeks.

Ne suggestions?

__________________
Sometimes you just -can't- get rid of a bomb

She looks like a treacherous wench to me. Immature and clearly seeking attention.

She contradicts herself in the 1st fucking sentence... She talks about how she was in love, etc etc etc and then claims to be "aysexual" (which is *retardedly* misspelled , btw; where the hell do you get a 'Y'?). Asexuality means you have NO sexual organs. And even if you didn't take it in the literal sense of the word it means you are ENTIRELY UNAFFECTED by anything sexual, etc. This being the case, it would be impossible that she was in love with somebody and is asexual. Asexuality is NOT something that can be developed; that is simply called being bitter and jaded...

She lists herself as "divorced", which I find INCREDIBLY hard to believe. Dramatic, much?... A teenage breakup is a far cry from getting a divorce. She also has herself listed as "83% Female cliche". Fucking sickening.

MORE contradictory quotes:

"Love is blinding and I disregarded everyone's concerns because of that, which is no excuse, but nevertheless is how I feel."

"i want everyone to know that if they really love someone, truth really is a big part of any relationship. don't lie, and if you are truly in love, don't do anything to hurt the other. that feeling is worse than anything in the world..."

"As much as I wanted it to work and have a happy ending, this didn't work out after all, nor will any."

"me and J. ^_^"


:roll:

She's a pseudo-intellectual. It exudes from her very limited and uninformed writing blurbs. As for J... He can't help what he is feeling. It may take him time to get over her (no idea what he sees there), but if you continue to wait it out and be there for him ity should work well for you. SHOW HIM what a real, mature relationship is all about. SHOW HIM that childish "omg love doesn't exist cause I feel burned right now" games are fucking BUNK.

She is nothing. He will be forced to realize this one day. Change can be scary for some people; seems to be that he needs a shove in the right direction...

uhh do you really want my advice??

ok. i agree with illiara on the whole she is dumb thing, and i dont want to be the barrier of bad news...but um if he isnt commenting your profile because of some other girl, there is something outrageously wrong! honestly you are probably a back up. if he really cant get things write with her then maybe he will be exclusively yours. and lets say he does make a habit of hanging out with you and saying cute things, you will always be haunted with the knowledge of him having an attraction to some other chick. us girls are too possessive for something like that to be comfortable. i could be total wrong i dont know the dude, but all of this is just my opinion anyways. i give you my best wishes. =)

Now, a guys perspective in the authors format...

A. Guy "J" is in bad relationship.
B. "J" meets a lovely girl.
C. "J" starts to realize he has a chance with someone who isn't insane.
D. "J" runs with the idea previously mentioned without forethought to what it will do to his current life situation.
E. "J" *separates* from insane chick to allow time for getting closer to lovely chick.
F. "J" probably has a very long history (years?) with insane chick. Unable to instantly remove memories of her and situations involving her from his memory, his thought processes and priorities become very convoluted.
H. Assuming "J" is a decent human being, separation becomes a very long process and won't allow him to truly be himself with you until he has severed insane chick from his mind.
I. And finally, assuming, on the other hand, "J" is NOT a decent person then yes as Cherrolion mentioned, you are a BACK-UP. In other words, he is still on the edge with this chick and goes back to her every once in awhile or actually all the time you're not there. Then when it gets rough over at that house he wants to come to yours.

Just make very sure you are sure you know who he is. And before you assume you know him that well, try living within 20 minutes of him so you can just out of nowhere come visit him. An hour and a half allows a lot of leeway for him to "sneak around".

Not to rain on your parade, I actually do hope this works out for you, I mean why not right? But be careful, love is an easy word to throw around and BS lines like "I mean everything I say but Im not IN love with you" Is exactly that, BS.

HAve a nice day

You're right though, this is totally an option. Sad, but possibly true. I think it may be worth it to stick it out a little bit and see what comes of it; he may just be confused.

I swear MySpace is the devil; I'm 95% sure that he'd be with you if the "MySpace" factor wasn't there. I am for damn sure that MySpace can't be in a relationship for it to flourish and develop normally. I just hate the fact that MySpace has such a big impact on relationships now and days: "Why aren't I your number one?" "Who's that guy/girl that' you're commenting?" "Why isn't there a picture of us?" "Why aren't I your hero?!" ect ect.

From what you've posted I really, really hope that everything works out. I just hate the "ex factor." No matter how good or bad the relationship, if stuff went down, it's more than likely to have a huge impact on the next relationship to ensue. I'm really hope everything turns out how you want... it's such a heartbreaker to know that there's something good, new, excited that's just within your grasps.. and cannot attain it.

You'll get the guy.

best advice ever: JUST BE YOURSELF






*i couldnt read any of the posts bc im too lazy

Control+C (Copy) = Illiara's Post.

Control+V (Paste) = Here.

There ya go.

I've only known Illiara since I joined this forum, but from then until now I have learned that she's a great person to ask for advice on a wide variety of subjects. So, my advice is to listen to her.

However, I'd also like to add (so that this isn't a complete copy and paste post, even though I never actually did copy and paste) he may have been really into her. It's gonna take time for that to pass. Any relationship worth a damn takes time to get over, but people eventually do.

We guys tend to take our time sometimes, but woman do that, aswell.

Make him realize that he can take some time, if he needs it, but that you're a good person and that you deserve more than just to be sweet talked, and then ignored.

But, then again, we ARE guys, so if all else fails, some sexy clothes will help. They are a woman's best weapon (Well, besides other obvious things).

Best of luck.

__________________
Omae wa mo shinde iru.

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Awwwww. Thanks for the props, Dustin.

Also, I fully agree with your theory that he really is into her and it'll take time to recover from that. If anyone knows about taking RETARDEDLY long amounts of time to fall out of love it is me. Haha. His behavior shows that he is sincerely torn, imo.

Agreed 100%.


If he's a good guy and you're both really into each other, he'll get over her with time. I do think it's true that you never forget your first love, but we all move on to better things.